Don't you love when you think everything is going pretty well- you have the job you really want, you have money in the wallet, your broken heart is healed...you're working out hard at the gym and feeling healthy, then BAM! You fall on your ass- and sometimes literally!
Well I write this as I feel this was/is my year- I just landed my perfect full time job, promising income, and lots of other opportunities my way when I literally fall on steps and fracture my wrist. And get surgery. The day before my first day of my new job. Yup, that really happened!
One thing people say a lot to me these days are "hope you recover well", or "good luck in recovery"...which is super nice but, why do I always feel I am recovering from something? Why is something ALWAYS broken? Recovering from a breakup, recovering from job loss, financial issues, alcohol/drugs, health....I always feel like when I take two steps forward, there is often a giant step backwards. Do you ever feel that way? Does life get really good and you finally think the universe is rewarding you then takes a giant dump on you?
Well friends...I wanna sit here and tell you about perspective- that the moral of this story is, "things will get better", these are all temporary roadblocks and not to lose hope, and lean on your friends and family and all will be okay...yes, that is so true and nice, but as I am even sitting here typing I am in pain, frustrated at how slow this is, and having a very "woe is me" moment.
Now before you exit out, out of fear of hearing my whining or complaining I wanna say....yes, I am a whining, not happy camper. But IT IS OKAY TO NOT ALWAYS BE OKAY.
Here are a few more thoughts:
- It is okay to tell others you aren't okay. To tell people you are scared (I was scared my new job would fire me- I had to miss three days my first week with my surgery etc!)
- Your pain is real. It is okay to share that pain with others. Whether it is a broken wrist or a broken heart, it is not only okay to not feel okay, but your pain is real and it matters. It might not be an illness, or divorce or anything fatal/too terrible, but pain is pain. Whether its a broken bone or broken soul it is incredibly painful and many people are there to help you heal, empathize, or just listen.
- It is okay to be vulnerable or ask for help. I wanted to be humble during this time- I wanted to say everything is okay, and this isn't as bad as other things I have been through...but truth is, I needed help getting dressed, showering, laundry...I even had to ask my parents help for medical bills as my insurance doesn't 100% cover everything. It can feel defeating, especially as an independent adult, I get it.
- You never know what others are going through. Human emotions are just as real as yours. The frustration, depression, fear, anxiety, humility, or whatever else is sometimes masked. Treat others as kindly as possible. I promise you will never regret "being too nice to someone". You will never regret offering that car ride, or even a smile to that friend that is just holding herself together.
- Laugh. At life. At yourself. Never take anything so seriously- because literally, what doesn't break you makes you stronger! I now have a plate in my wrist, and I was making the doctors laugh because I asked for Wolverine claws..I mean hey! I am bionic now so that is kinda rad...and I will do push-ups and yoga poses one day, so it is OKAY to laugh. Laugh at irony, laugh at the heartache, and laugh that you once believed life is so crazy good that nothing bad will happen when you aren't lookin'. Oh silly humans, anything amazing or tragic can happen at any moment, stay positive and smile even when you can't laugh.
- Real friends help you hook your bra. Or wash your hair. Or change your bed sheets or drive you around on Saturday afternoons helping with errands. Well, friends and fam come in last but certainly not least on this list. Again, when the going gets tough, it is kind of unbelievable how having an amazing group of people are there to help you in those vulnerable moments or times when you just need love. It's amazing how this is so important in any recovery and a current theme in cityfam- one I can consistently vouch for and love to write about!
I am in recovery...again. This time for my broken bones but I am learning I am NOT BROKEN. I may always be recovering from something...and I may take 1000 steps forward and 1001 steps back, but it is resilience, self-forgiveness, and humility that I believe we can channel to keep ourselves sane.
I used to hear this phrase, "we are so imperfectly perfect" and I never really understood what that meant to me until recently. I really thought I was kickin' ass in life and overcame some really crazy hardships, so this was a wonderful reminder to tell myself: "Hey baby girl, you are killin it. You are amazing...but you are also so very still imperfect. Life will give you UPS and downs, but everything is temporary but the spirit."
Shout out to my friends and fam who have been wonderfully patient, giving, and loving during this recovery. Every extension of kindness was a reminder how blessed/lucky I truly am, and I am never alone. Thank you!
"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood (or womanhood) to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind. "- Alex Karras
Breaking bones and hearts,
Your Marketing Director and bad ass babe,